As usual
AS usual, its toooo busy around here. But hey, its Thursday night, I am at the computer about to work on work (gotta have my draft report to my boss by 8 am) and what do I have to do besides blog? Oh, yea, and think about how Ben is going to be at school (40 miles away) by 8, have the kids to school at 8, me to work by 8:30 when my radiator cap or something is leaking/hissing/popping/steaming. Did I mention Ben is sick? But he can't miss school cuz he has a quiz tomorrow plus he has to have the lecture to do the lab.
Hmmm. Well, I just brewed a pot of coffee (yup, its 9:25 pm) and I am ready to go. All I need is for the kids to STAY ASLEEP.
Let me first say that this working mother thingy is a totally crock of crap. I have avoided coming right out and saying on this blog since I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But now nobody really reads it, and I don't really care anymore because being true is more important than not saying the truth just cuz you don't want to offend anyone. That is what Facebook is for,---not saying what you really think in an effort not to make anyone feel bad.
When I say that it is a crock of crap, I mean its heartbreaking for all involved. I don't mean that it is too much work, or that it is not fair, or I don't like it, or that SAHM have it better/easier. I mean, it sucks. I don't just miss my kids, and my kids don't just miss me, but I miss OUT on my kids' lives, and they miss out on my parenting. Yes, I realize that my parenting might not be something to make a movie about. I am very blessed to have a great daycare that I love, and that loves my kids. I am blessed that they love to see the kids grow and develop and do new things. But the truth is that my baby girl is five now. I have missed so much. I have missed so much that I don't even know how much I've missed. I couldn't tell you, because I miss out on most of her awake life. The upside to that-- she doesn't sleep as much as most kids-- so it could have been worse.
Besides not being there as the go to person for my kids, this two parents working with small kids pretty much takes a marriage and flushes down the toilet. Maybe I have a skewed perspective on this since Ben ALSO is going to school and ALSO has to work on the house A LOT. But not only is Ben super busy, but even for the 5 hours per week that we are both home and both awake I am so focused on the kids (because I am missing their whole lives) that we don't talk unless it is about clipping the kids nails NOW, or brushing their teeth NOW, or getting blankets ready for school tomorrow.
The weekends are a little better, but not much. Ben has to work on the house, study, and find some time for the family. This means a lot of Saturdays mom has the kids while dad works on the house. Well, that is not exactly family time. That is a lot of family time to fit on Sunday, which would be do-able if it weren't for those other pesky things like cooking, laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, bills, cooking, and the occasional house guest, and cooking (I really have grown to hate cooking).
I will expand on this later, but before I get tooo far down this road I need to say this, I am blessed. I am so blessed I don't even know how blessed I am. I HAVE kids. I have a great and fabulous husband that I do love, I have a job (ha, wasn't that the source of my woes), I have a house (wasn't that the other source of woe), and we all have our health. Praise God for that. I am alive, and I know that in itself is a miracle. God is good.
I know that this working mom thing did not happen by chance. It wasn't the hand I was dealt, nor God's path for me. This is the life I made. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have chosen this life style; but that is history. My daughter can make her own decisions about how she wants her life to be, but I certainly won't tell her that the working mom route is a good choice.
Bla bla bla bla bla, I can hear it all now..... well Sunnie Marie, what about those women who are at home with no education and no hope for a job, what about the women that are bored, or under employed or unemployed or need food for their kids, or clothes or heat. Yep. All those women exist, and this blog is not about them. It is about Rosaleen and Finnley, and sometimes it is also about their parents.
Here is the thing, most women and men I know don't get me. That is fine, the older I get the more and more I realize I don't get most people. I am not sure what is going on. I used to relate to everyone, but that is long gone. Its fine not to get me-- and one reason you probably don't get me is there is not a lot of women walking this walk. That is fine. I am not saying I am a martyr, I am just saying you probably don't get me, so don't try and pretend you do. Its fine. I don't get you either. This paragraph is not written to anyone in particular (really mom its not), I just want to say, I am not trying to convert anyone to thinking like me. I am just blogging.
So, really though, Rosaleen is five. She is a happy, sweet, smart 5-year old. She is reading in Spanish and English (not reading books, but reading words and some sentences). She is good at following directions, even three step directions given all at once. She is a good leader, and good at participating. She is not so good at waiting her turn to talk. Talking will be her Achilles heal in school. She is also a wiggle worm. I know, five-year olds are wiggley........and she is.
Rosaleen had a great birthday party last month. It was fantastic thanks to a lot of help from everyone. She also started a big girls ballet class and a mixed ages tumbling class. The ballet class is for ages 5-8 so its a challenge for sure. However, each class she is getting better and better. Plus it is a very small class taught by an beautiful ballerina name Camille. The tumbling class right after ballet is much faster paced, a little wild and has two teachers to keep everyone moving. This class has about 10 or 12 kids many of which are younger or the same age as Rosaleen, so she often gets to be an example or leader (right up her alley). This summer she will be again preforming at the fair, and doing a summer recital.
Little Finn is 30 pounds, 16 teeth, and a big personality. Finn loves to laugh and play and get excited. He also loves to make art work.....out of his food. He also loves to nurse. Oh, yes. Its true. We cut way back, then the kids got horribly sick in January. Neither ate a single thing for six days (not a single thing), and Finn nursed his way though it. I then re-cut back again in February, and now am going to try to make the last run to only nurse at bedtime/naptime. However, Finn doesn't really like cow milk, goat milk, soy milk.....so its hard. We'll work it out, but I think he and I will have to do some negotiating to get to a consensus. Finn also adores his big sister, who also adores him.
Hmmm. Well, I just brewed a pot of coffee (yup, its 9:25 pm) and I am ready to go. All I need is for the kids to STAY ASLEEP.
Let me first say that this working mother thingy is a totally crock of crap. I have avoided coming right out and saying on this blog since I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But now nobody really reads it, and I don't really care anymore because being true is more important than not saying the truth just cuz you don't want to offend anyone. That is what Facebook is for,---not saying what you really think in an effort not to make anyone feel bad.
When I say that it is a crock of crap, I mean its heartbreaking for all involved. I don't mean that it is too much work, or that it is not fair, or I don't like it, or that SAHM have it better/easier. I mean, it sucks. I don't just miss my kids, and my kids don't just miss me, but I miss OUT on my kids' lives, and they miss out on my parenting. Yes, I realize that my parenting might not be something to make a movie about. I am very blessed to have a great daycare that I love, and that loves my kids. I am blessed that they love to see the kids grow and develop and do new things. But the truth is that my baby girl is five now. I have missed so much. I have missed so much that I don't even know how much I've missed. I couldn't tell you, because I miss out on most of her awake life. The upside to that-- she doesn't sleep as much as most kids-- so it could have been worse.
Besides not being there as the go to person for my kids, this two parents working with small kids pretty much takes a marriage and flushes down the toilet. Maybe I have a skewed perspective on this since Ben ALSO is going to school and ALSO has to work on the house A LOT. But not only is Ben super busy, but even for the 5 hours per week that we are both home and both awake I am so focused on the kids (because I am missing their whole lives) that we don't talk unless it is about clipping the kids nails NOW, or brushing their teeth NOW, or getting blankets ready for school tomorrow.
The weekends are a little better, but not much. Ben has to work on the house, study, and find some time for the family. This means a lot of Saturdays mom has the kids while dad works on the house. Well, that is not exactly family time. That is a lot of family time to fit on Sunday, which would be do-able if it weren't for those other pesky things like cooking, laundry, groceries, cooking, cleaning, bills, cooking, and the occasional house guest, and cooking (I really have grown to hate cooking).
I will expand on this later, but before I get tooo far down this road I need to say this, I am blessed. I am so blessed I don't even know how blessed I am. I HAVE kids. I have a great and fabulous husband that I do love, I have a job (ha, wasn't that the source of my woes), I have a house (wasn't that the other source of woe), and we all have our health. Praise God for that. I am alive, and I know that in itself is a miracle. God is good.
I know that this working mom thing did not happen by chance. It wasn't the hand I was dealt, nor God's path for me. This is the life I made. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have chosen this life style; but that is history. My daughter can make her own decisions about how she wants her life to be, but I certainly won't tell her that the working mom route is a good choice.
Bla bla bla bla bla, I can hear it all now..... well Sunnie Marie, what about those women who are at home with no education and no hope for a job, what about the women that are bored, or under employed or unemployed or need food for their kids, or clothes or heat. Yep. All those women exist, and this blog is not about them. It is about Rosaleen and Finnley, and sometimes it is also about their parents.
Here is the thing, most women and men I know don't get me. That is fine, the older I get the more and more I realize I don't get most people. I am not sure what is going on. I used to relate to everyone, but that is long gone. Its fine not to get me-- and one reason you probably don't get me is there is not a lot of women walking this walk. That is fine. I am not saying I am a martyr, I am just saying you probably don't get me, so don't try and pretend you do. Its fine. I don't get you either. This paragraph is not written to anyone in particular (really mom its not), I just want to say, I am not trying to convert anyone to thinking like me. I am just blogging.
So, really though, Rosaleen is five. She is a happy, sweet, smart 5-year old. She is reading in Spanish and English (not reading books, but reading words and some sentences). She is good at following directions, even three step directions given all at once. She is a good leader, and good at participating. She is not so good at waiting her turn to talk. Talking will be her Achilles heal in school. She is also a wiggle worm. I know, five-year olds are wiggley........and she is.
Rosaleen had a great birthday party last month. It was fantastic thanks to a lot of help from everyone. She also started a big girls ballet class and a mixed ages tumbling class. The ballet class is for ages 5-8 so its a challenge for sure. However, each class she is getting better and better. Plus it is a very small class taught by an beautiful ballerina name Camille. The tumbling class right after ballet is much faster paced, a little wild and has two teachers to keep everyone moving. This class has about 10 or 12 kids many of which are younger or the same age as Rosaleen, so she often gets to be an example or leader (right up her alley). This summer she will be again preforming at the fair, and doing a summer recital.
Little Finn is 30 pounds, 16 teeth, and a big personality. Finn loves to laugh and play and get excited. He also loves to make art work.....out of his food. He also loves to nurse. Oh, yes. Its true. We cut way back, then the kids got horribly sick in January. Neither ate a single thing for six days (not a single thing), and Finn nursed his way though it. I then re-cut back again in February, and now am going to try to make the last run to only nurse at bedtime/naptime. However, Finn doesn't really like cow milk, goat milk, soy milk.....so its hard. We'll work it out, but I think he and I will have to do some negotiating to get to a consensus. Finn also adores his big sister, who also adores him.
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| Sister reading a story |
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| Finnley's food art, photo by Rosaleen |
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| Photo by Rosaleen, smile by Finnley |
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| IDK |
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| Rosaleen driving the bus, Finnley goes for a ride Oh, man. I drank all the coffee already. |
Hang in there. Your guy will get through school and then life will change again. I'm sure the house will look very nice when he finishes it. Looking back I could say that I would have done some things differently but then I remind myself that it is best to look forward and not back. Your kids are so cute.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous is 110% correct
ReplyDeleteWell if it makes you feel better, I am totally amused (and can relate) by your rant on life. And just so you know... I DO read your blog. :)
ReplyDelete